Thu, 06/07/2007 - 12:13pm

Bring your own bag, and don't leave it to beavers to save trees. Everyone, including Scarlett Johansson in the form of Tarzan caught mid-swing in the Louis Vuitton "That's Love" bag ad, is wearing an everlasting shopping tote on one cold shoulder at a grocer's freezer near you. If Whole Foods is your preferred grocer, act fast and score the Anya Hindmarch tote (my personal favorite reusable bag) for only fifteens dollars at one of the many locations sprinkled around the district, somewhere (and someone) has gotta' give. Call me Blackstreet, and not a black sheep, because even model Jessica Stam is “boutta’ bag it up” by flower power shopping in Paris with her Marni reusable grocery bag and swapping phantom saved trees for her favorite petals and stems; Jessica's unofficial motto: “I like the way I save trees, no diggity, no doubt.” So while you're still choosing to commit plastic abuse or tree degree murder when your cashier pops the question, 'least J. Stam is walking away even.

If you don't BYOB soon, you may find yourself befriending Mr. Spacely because you're penniless per this bit of info: Chief meteorologist Topper Shutt's sister (known as Shopper Rut) predicts via Shoppler Radar (the most trusted storecast source because of it’s ability to detect the motion of coins in addition to intensity) that the College Park and NoVa Ikea stores are likely to produce a seemingly metallic mix of isolated thundershowers from your pockets at the time of checkout. This does of course mean you'll receive a plastic bag doubling as a poncho to protect you, but watch out for the small chance of Swedish meatballs. Worse, watch out for being mistaken that you own a poncho.

You'll save even more green (money & earth) if you quit your beachin' and transform your current summer beach tote into a shop tote--'less you've already joined the “clear bag fad” that screams "stupid beach"—transparent totes like that are only great if you're carrying around an assortment of bright and sporty-fresh Adidas, and I'm sorry, you're just not going to be carrying those around. Your transparent tote, Chanel or not Chanel, will likely display your childhood and faded Lisa Frank towel, dirty jellies, crude Mad Libs, and ugly shells (that you thought were pretty until you got home from the stupid beach and realized that they weren't).

Ironically, you may also find yourself getting ugly at the Shell on your way home from the stupid beach. Sadly, gas is one of the only things you can't fill your tote up with, and be good to go (so, to avoid any confusion, don't ever put a shell, from anywhere, in your tote). And on that note (or tote!) you’ll be glad you’re saving all this green when you’re pumping gas for three and a half dollars a pop; corn infused or not, you can never trust an ethanol sticker (don’t justify it, girl). If you can't see it when you buy it, don't swear by it. Someone could easily wear a shirt that boasts "10% ethanol" and be downright allergic to corn, thus the impossibility of producing bodily gas emissions from such a food source.

To conclude, a tid bit for my little overachievers: If saving a tree isn’t good enough, save an animal too by choosing the faux version of the python Devi Kroell for Target tote, for it can climb and swim expertly on the beach, is strong enough to incubate plenty of canned corn for six to eight weeks, and will (best of all) constrict your wallet.

Photo Credit: Lexie Moreland www.lexiemoreland.com
Model Credt: Deanna Tennyson www.lexiemoreland.com
Dress by: Marc by Marc Jacobs www.marcjacobs.com

Categories:

• Fashion